24-7 Prayer is 15 years old

This post has been a long time coming. The news that 24-7 Prayer had reached 15 years old came on 5th Sept.  I wanted to write something straight away but this has been a hard post and I’ve been putting it off. So much has changed for us since we went to the 24-7 Prayer “I am 5” party in London 10 years ago.  In fact most of this blog has been connected with people we didn’t know 10 years ago.

So at “I am 5” Ben, Tabitha and I went. We were part of Firestorm, a group of prophetic intercessor who were going around the South West of England praying in various towns to see God come down. We were doing Treasure hunting before it was invented and other crazy things that were new to church culture. I know I’d heard of 24-7 prayer for a couple of years prior to the “I am 5” party. Ben, Tabitha and I stayed in London with Pam and David Pott, who now live up in Skye, going there via Stone, Staffordshire. We had been there a couple of times before and they were becoming firm friends. When we were at the party we sat with some of the prophetic people from Firestorm that we were journeying with. I remember being really chuffed that Heidi, the instigator of Firestorm shared our sandwiches. That was in the days when I always took a pile of sandwiches, snacks and drinks with us so the kids could snack on them but also because we couldn’t afford to buy food out. Our financial situation has changed but also so has Heidi’s life. She has now left her husband and we are no longer even facebook friends. On that occasion Tabitha lent her Message Bible to Phil Togwell, one of the key leaders.

We journeyed with 24-7 for a while; Tabitha and I going to a conference of theirs in Southampton, where we connected with Brian Johnson and family before they set up 24-7 Prayer Ibizia, which has now been going for 10 years, Tabitha, Ian and I going to a conference of theirs in Amsterdam where we met Simon Turner who we are still friend with and who we are supporting on his missionary journey in Iceland and now being part of Ywam Iceland, and then going to London Tabitha,

“I am 10” party. We are sat on the right towards the front

Ian and I to the “I am 10” party where we sat with people from Bath City Church, the place we attend now, and Tabitha got a mention by Phil Togwell when he said about what can go on at these gatherings. It was where I met Evie Keiller, who then played one of the Pevensey children in Bath City Church’s production of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe with my Mrs Beaver.

In 2006 Jane Williams and I made pledges connected with 24-7 Prayer and the Order of the Mustard Seed to “no longer live for

The ring

ourselves”. We both have rings to show for this inscribed with that phrase in Greek which we bought from the 24-7 Prayer shop, and less than a month after that Ian and I started dating.

There are so many connections that it is odd and hard to now be so connected with prayer, with 24-7 Prayer the movement, with so many people that I had got to know through it, and to realise so much has changed. I am no longer that dynamic single mum who wanted to connect with other and believed that we could change the world through prayer. I am older, wiser, more ready to admit that life is hard. I think its not so much that I don’t have the dynamic energy but that I realise I need to stand still to be able to heal. When we first got involved with 24-7 Prayer I was reeling from the hurt of the way the Ywam Family Ministries team that we had been a part of in Scotland had disintegrated, but I did not want to stand still and look at it, grieve it, admit that God didn’t do what we thought was best. I have been running like that for a while. Even as I have walked through this season of learning to know God doesn’t always do as we want I have still kept running. Ok so its got slower but I’ve still not given myself much time to think outside of this writing. So as I look at this time of passing, of what might have/could have been and look at what really is I’m going to slow down as much as it is possible, take stock and prioritise. I want to seize the day but maybe for now that is just concentrating on my home, my new job and my writing? Just maybe. And maybe the world won’t all crash if I do, but if it does then that’s ok too.

Dynamic

I’m having one of my dynamic moments. Yesterday was a definite non-dynamic day. I felt total rubbish and as though I couldn’t do anything. It’s “anniversary” week. I thought I’d not remember it but it appeared my subconscious had different ideas. I was really low and then had the frustrated mother bit of hearing that both my children needed a mummy hug and were too far away, in different directions, for me to do anything about it. I know deep down inside that they’ll be fine but I’m still Mum. And then I decided that life was too much and was just overwhelmed.

Today, actually thanks to some kind words from Ian last night, which made me feel not so rubbish, and he put ideas into my head of solutions, I feel invigorated. I’ve managed to complete the essay that’s been taking me over a month to work out where to go with it. It will need a bit of tweaking once I read it but its 3000 words and I’m content with it. I got in touch with a couple of people to be referees for me for applying for the MSc I’m hoping to do. I also tested them out as to whether they’d be willing to be referees for job applications for me, which they both agreed. In fact they didn’t just agree they encouraged me too. And then I did a bit of job hunting over lunch and have found the “perfect” job. One I’ve dreamed of and the deadline isn’t till mid April, which gives me time to get my head round it. Its liaising between parents and their children and the schools. Something I’ve dreamed of doing but thought the job was just in my head. Today I feel confident to go for it.

At church I’ve joined the 100 prayer warrior praying for breakthrough. I feel a bit of fraud doing it as I’m not one of those sit and pray people and I’m not quite sure what is meant by “breakthrough” but I know God wanted me to be part of it. I felt a big push to do it. But ages ago someone said I was an action to prayer, as in what is being prayed gets acted out in my life. Well that seems to be true. There is breakthrough coming with Ian and I and our relationship – cool! And then with this “finding the dream job” though I know I haven’t got it yet. But I know its out there! Maybe I am an outworking rather than a pray-er. Oh I do pray, but it’s on the hoof, in my head, whilst I wash up, etc. And at the moment, what with working, life, study, etc I don’t have much time for meetings. Oh if I have time I want to chat and drink coffee, which I also think is sharing. I had a friend, when our children were tiny, who I use to see for coffee, and we’d chat through situations with people and then hear that things had changed in these people’s lives, as if we’d been praying.

See I think God knows what we’re like. That’s a bit of a “duh!” statement. Of course He knows what we’er like. The problem is most of the time we don’t believe that, or if we do we think  He doesn’t like us. He knows how I pray and wants me on the 100 team anyway. He knows I like to  know what comes next before I’ve finished what I’m doing so He encourages me there. God is good, if only we would believe it!

Selfless Faith

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, selfless faith

What is selfless faith? I think it is that faith that doesn’t want to be blessed but wants to bless others. I think its part of growing up as a Christian, which is why the words of the song say “a generation, rising up to take the place with …” because as each of us takes our place we will become more and more selfless, and care more and more for others not what we can get, and I think then we will pray harder but also will be less disappointed.

When I prayed for a friend of my daughter’s mother I was going to get no gain from it. If she had been healed then God may have got the glory, but she didn’t so … But when I pray wanting something for me; whether recognition for being a good prayer, seeing something turn out as I want. Then things don’t happen. There are a lot of times, I think, when we pray for healing for what we want from it. I don’t want people to die but actually how often am I thinking about their suffering and how often is it because if they die I’ll miss them? Maybe if I am going to get to this selfless faith I need to be praying for God to have His way and for them to meet with Him in whatever way He knows is best. I wonder if we became selfless in our prayers whether we would then become selfless in our actions.

I know there are lots of things I do that might look selfless but are in fact there is something in it for me. I want people to notice how much I’m serving, helping, being nice, doing something useful, not stopping, even resting can be selfish if I want to be noticed. I think most of us blog for egotistical reasons. We think we have something to say that the rest of the world wants to hear. Ok not everyone but I know for me it is therapeutic blogging. I wonder if I got my head round this selfless faith whether I’d stop blogging?

The words of the song really effect me, especially as our church leader is talking of 100 people prayer for 100 days at 100 minutes a day for breakthrough. I wonder how many of us will be able to pray with a selfless faith, with a faith that says “I’m praying because this is what God has called me to and even if the results aren’t as I would like I’ll have faith that God is good all the time and that He knows what He’s doing”? I wonder if I can. Already I’m building in my head the 100 things I’d like to see God do, some of which are selfless but some, not so much selfish but would benefit me – friends and family walking with God again!

Interesting one to ponder as we go into Lent.

Prayer!

There is a bit of a reoccurring question in our house – “Is there any point praying when it doesn’t work all the time? Should we keep praying?”

I must say I would say 100% yes and 100% no. I really do think prayer works all the time. Example – a couple of weeks ago I was feeling really, really low and whilst out walking the dog was crying and telling God that I couldn’t trust Him and listing all the prayers He hadn’t answered and how that had made it harder at home. In all this rant I opened myself totally up to God, gave Him everything I felt, and you know what, He gave me a hug. Oh He didn’t come and answer anything, sort anything out, even give me any strategies  for sorting things out, but He gave me a big heavenly hug. Ok so how do I know that? There was something inside. You know when you get hugged by that person, parent, spouse, child, and you know they just love you for being you and it does something to you inside, well that was how I felt after. I was comforted, but that sounds really bland 🙂 Something inside me had a reassurance that the God of the Universe loved me, even if He didn’t give me what I wanted, or what lots of other people wanted. And interestingly enough I was telling this story to another friend who then told me about one of the sons of the friend who left her husband and how his reaction to his parent’s break-up has sent him to the chaplain of his local church and he is growing deeper with God.  It is like God takes our honesty and brings us deeper to Him. He doesn’t answer things for us as we would like but He is there.

But also I wouldn’t stop praying. I’m praying for The Eden projects across the country, Lifeline in Haiti, friends how are sick, friends who are struggling, me and mine. Why? Because I know God answers prayer and I know that my praying will alter things in the heavenlies. But I also know it is all about God and not about me and how I pray. There is an “interesting” thing going round facebook at the moment disclaiming Bill Johnson and Bethel, California, because Bill Johnson has said that because Jesus was fully human he never healed anyone, etc. If you read on it is an encouragement to all of us that Jesus was filled with the same power of God as we are and we can do the same as he did, and like him we need to do what God tells us to do. Ok so I know in the Bible every time Jesus prayed things happened. I wonder if it would be blasphemous to say that maybe there were times when Jesus prayed that things didn’t happen. Why record them? I have read stories about “big name christians” some of which I know, and you know it is only the bits that make a good story that are shared. If I told you my life it would depend what angle I wanted to tell what I told you. It isn’t that I would be lying but actually for all the things that have gone on in my life, from the totally amazing to the totally awful to the totally mundane, you wouldn’t want to hear all of. And there wouldn’t be time. The Gospel of John finishes with the words “Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written” (John 21:25) which surely says there were lots of things Jesus did that we will never ever read about.

And actually I do like to think that Jesus was so in tune with God that he did only pray what he knew God wanted, and I think that’s the difference – we pray what we want not what God wants. And sometimes when we pray what God wants it’s scary. I remember wanting to pray for my step-dad to be healed the last time and very clearly heard God say not to because my step-dad was ready to meet with Him. Straight after that I got a phone call from my mum’s vicar to say he’d prayed with my step-dad and he’d said he wanted to be with God, did the whole repentance things, accepted God, and then went into a morphine induced delirium for the last 2 weeks of his life. It was very hard not to pray for him to be healed, especially as we had prayed for healing for him on and off for the last 10 years and he had been healed. Most of the time it’s quicker to pray what we want to happen than to slow down, listen to God, be sure that we are hearing from God and then obey that. That would be fine if what He said was to pray but how do we feel when He says don’t? Not good.

Years ago someone spoke on one of these visions from God stuff and they were in heaven and God showed them this beautiful tapestry and said this was their life, but they said their life felt like it was a mess, and so God showed them the underside, which if you have ever seen a tapestry is all knots and cut thread. God said to this person that this is what we see of our lives, the knots and broken threads, but He sees the beautiful tapestry. We need to trust in the fact that a beautiful tapestry is growing even if it just feels like a series of hurts, griefs, struggles and unanswered prayer.

So yes I would say prayer is worth it 100% but that there is also time when it feels like prayer doesn’t work at all and we need to hold on to the dicotomy and know that God is God and learn to trust. I truly believe that the whole of life is a journey in relationship with God, learning to trust in Him, and that the answered prayers are just the icings on the cake of life. The icing is to be enjoyed and to ask for, but in reality what we should be craving is the depth of relationship – both of which only come via prayer and lots of it.

How Do We See God?

I was going to blog this morning about Friends, following on from Jesus being a friend, and I might later if I get time but today’s meditation from Richard Rohr fits so well with the quote from George Mueller yesterday that I want to share it.

Unfortunately, in the West, prayer had become something functional; something you did to achieve a desired effect—which too often puts the ego back in charge. As soon as you make prayer a way to get what you want, you’re not moving into any kind of new state of consciousness. It’s the same old consciousness, but now well disguised: “How can I get God to do what I want God to do?” It’s the egocentric self deciding what it needs, but now, instead of just manipulating everybody else, it tries to manipulate God.

He is talking about Prayer and Contemplative Prayer at that. This is a way of communicating with God and learning how to have relationship with Him. It’s as much about listening as it is about telling Him what we want. No don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against praying and asking God for things that we want and need, things that we believe will make the world a better place, but often, like Rohr says it is putting us in the centre. E.g “if I pray in this way and declare this then this will happen/so and so will be healed/so and so will get enough money/etc/etc”

Now God is our Father and we should say what we want, but I suspect like most parents He knows what we want before we ask. He knows cancer needs healing. He knows when someone needs money. And sometimes He does provide without us asking. But I think it needs to be much more of this hanging out contemplative praying, hearing The Father’s Heart. I know as a parent I’d be really fed up if my kids only spoke to me when they wanted something, especially now they are more mature. But even when they were little I loved the times we would just snuggle down together and they would chatter away. Now they are older I love the meals together, the phone calls, the texts, the coffees, where they chatter on about their hopes and dreams, the things that have wound them up, the things that have made them happy. These things make me know I have a relationship with them. I’m still parent and they will always be my children, but it is moving into a sort of friendship relationship, but still with that subtle difference with them than I have with my friends.

I think God wants us to chatter to Him. I think He likes it when we tell Him our hopes and dreams and then together we can share ideas about how to deal with that. Of course that means I’ll tell Him about my friends and how I’d like to see them helped, but then my kids do that to me. In fact recently my daughter was concerned about a friend of hers and I turned my whole schedule round to help and support this girl. I did it as much for Tabitha and her peace of mind as I did for her friend. I think God does that for us. So I can say to Him things about the struggles my friends are having with their illnesses, their losses, their parents, their children, their finances, and I suspect God turns His schedule around to help my friends out. But it is different than asking and expecting. It is much more like George Mueller and the knowing that I can tell God anything and He will work it for the best.

I wonder if we talked about how to grow that relationship with God if more people would be able to stay with Him, but when we talk about a god-who-answers-prayers, which so often He doesn’t, then people are sceptical. When we hear that God doesn’t answer because we didn’t pray in the right way, didn’t have our hearts right, doubted, and all the other unkind things people say when the fairy godmother doesn’t do His stuff, then we get disillusioned and don’t want in this any more. I’m sure George Mueller prayer for his wife. He was amazing and never asked for any support and yet fed and supported hundreds and hundreds of orphans via the needs that came in when they prayed. Here was a man who did believe in asking for things and yet had such a relationship with Father God that he knew that God would always do right.

How do you want to feel today?

A brilliant question from Danielle LaPorte’s Truth bomb email. It give one charge of how one feels. Being British it is so easy to slip into the negative and let our situations control our feelings.

This week I’m bogged down with revision for an exam that I really don’t understand where I’m going with one of the questions, just heard of a friend that needs a total miracle, talked with friends and family who are weigh down with troubles and hassles. It would be so easy to go down that route. Ok so I do cry for my friends and family but I choose to not feel down and depressed about it. Someone said they had heard a talk recently about how a lot of our illnesses whether mental or physical are down to how we choose to feel. There has been many studies done on how positive thinking and exercise can keep you well. I know that isn’t the case always and that would get into the “its all your fault you’re ill” bracket which I don’t think is true at all. But in whatever circumstance we are in we can choose how we feel about it.

When I had bad news told me I did cry. I cried buckets but then I got praying and got positive about what I was praying. There was a great piece from MustardSeed that said that we needed to cheer up and be more positive about life and reminded me of

whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things – Phl. 4:8 NIV

I have seen people go through direr things but when they have focused on the pure, lovely, admirable they have come out. In fact I see it so often, and often the people don’t know they are like that. Again I think this is a British problem that we are scared to be positive or to admit we are positive. And yet some slip into that thing of being negative just because they are afraid of disappointment. They have covered their bases and if life does turn out as bad as they think then they can be ok, and if it turns out better often they miss it because they are looking for the bad. How do you want to feel today?

But I think it is the same with prayer. We don’t pray because what if God doesn’t do what we want him to. Or what if we look stupid. Here are a couple of bits of advise I’ve read in the last couple of days.

MustardSeed says when we pray:

1. Don’t panic. Don’t start thinking God doesn’t want to give you the desired answer.
2. Keep your cool.
3. Remain believing, confident of the answer, expecting His goodness.
4. Don’t use vain repetitions but seek new expressions of your love for Him and your desire to see such-and-such an answer given.
5. Keep at it until you’ve gotten the answer.

And on Red Letter Christians regarding prayer:

1. God / the energy of the universe that binds us all together is not a vending machine, but does appear to be magnificently benevolent and generous.

2. Various studies have “proved” for, but also “against” the efficacy of prayer (as tested on hospital patients who didn’t know they were being prayed for); — but:

3. Some stuff lies beyond calculation.

4. Perhaps even better than praying – though it may well be prayer in action – is taking a pot of homemade soup and a piece of my day to spend time with someone who is tangled in a situation that needs healing.

5. When someone asks for prayer, they are recruiting a community to cheer for them. I kind of see praying for someone a little like rooting for a football team – and:

6. I think it’s good for me to spend some quiet time most days remembering people in need and what needs to change in the universe; — because:

7. If anything is going to change for the good on Earth, it’s certain that, God or no God, we humans have got to be part of making that happen; – and that said:

8. Miracles still happen.

So How do I want to feel today? Bogged down and worn out by the situations that are around me, the friends and family I have that are in need of something/someone to step in? Or am I going to let Joy guide me. Actually you know what? It is only when we can be joyful in the midst of despair that we can really be any help to anyone – including ourselves – which takes us back to the imaginary prisons and all things being difficult as well as something Danielle LaPorte said in Love your Sadness. That basically it won’t last so embrace it, understand why you feel that way and just let go and enjoy the moment. How often have we been taught that negative feelings are wrong? Or even doubts about God are wrong? So we bottle them up and hide them away and they eat away at our insides. I’m angry with God for letting my friend have to think about death, I’m angry with Him that I have to think about losing a friend again, I’m fed up with having to revise and feeling like I don’t get what to do, I’m angry and fed up at a lot of things when I start to list them, but then I need to look at why. If I can explore why I’m angry with God then I can work through that and look at what my expectations of Him are/were. If I’m fed up with revising, not understanding how to do an essay, then I need to look at why. And not just a perfunctory glance but slow down and spend some time just mediating on it.

Negative thoughts and feelings aren’t wrong. I have a God who is slow to anger – but that means that he does get angry at some point. If I believe my Bible then Jesus went through all gambit of emotions, including weeping, which must mean sadness. We need to get over what we class as negative feelings and embrace them. We need to decide how we want to feel today and be bold enough to feel it. And maybe today I want to feel sad so I will and I will look at why. Also when I want to feel happy I will also look at why. Its not introspective its all part of learning to  know who we are and love the one we have been made to be. But all this means we have to slow down and look around and inside.